


femeur.

by peachlimit



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 15:11:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16935588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachlimit/pseuds/peachlimit
Summary: a smoker, outcast and dreamer who considers everyone an aquiantance falls into a jet black haired's beautiful, deep, blue ocean but with time shattering their dreams





	femeur.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! my apologies for some typos and grammatical errors, i'm still an amateur just yet but i do hope you enjoy this oneshot i made especially for satzu shippers. enjoy!

[a smoker, an outcast and a dreamer.]

sana smokes.

sana smokes all the time.

it's part of her daily routine to puff nicotine every after an hour or so till a pack is consumed entirely then she buys another.

it was some sort of relief for her, an easier way to breathe, an easier way to forget.

sana has no friends, just aquiantances. just people who smile at her, greet her with a simple "hello", but nothing goes beyond that.

sana's an outcast, a smoker and an eighteen year old. an eighteen year old who lives to dream, who lives for nothing else but a single wish to be fulfilled by her hands.

sana adores art, and so she dreams to be an artist.

her lips are red, stained with purple due to a bittersweet taste of wine offered by an aquiantance who left it by her dorm room at three in the morning. the television rolled out an old film from old hollywood, volume down to five percent and the air was cold and her ashtray full of newly consumed cigarettes.

sana's busy washing her face in the bathroom, splashing her round cheeks with cold water and vividly staring at herself once again in the mirror.

no one has ever lasted to becoming her roommate due to the strong scent of air fresheners and smoke to her threatening attitide and bitchy glares.

sana was intimadating, she always has been.

but the bittersweet wine neighbor, myoui mina, still stood up to chances that maybe somehow sana wouldn't drag herself into the darkness anymore. mina always hoped that one day, for some kind of reason, sana would snap into difference.

well myoui mina wasn't just any ordinary aquiantance, they were blood related cousins but sana has never treated mina like they were because all sana had thought of was herself.

sana hated mornings, she hated seeing people walking in a rush, people talking on the phone too loudly, she hated seeing bright people brag about their achievements to one another, she hated seeing the bright skies.

everything about mornings started to be meaningless the moment her parents died when she was little at the age of ten.

a plane crash going to back to their hometown in osaka occurred when she was at school, enjoying the sun at the playground with several friends when she was called out by the teacher with a sad news.

deciding on who or where to take sana was a little complex. she had several aunts and uncles who were willing to take custody but sana wasn't feeling comfortable.

well, until her aunt myoui came into her life with a little kid holding a penguin plushie behind her. sana wasn't completely "okay" with them but they were definitely better than the others and so, she decided to join them in korea and pursue her so-called dreams there.

day after day after day, sana wasn't improving. she was isolating herself no matter how much affection and care the myouis have given her. it simply didn't help but they didn't gave up on her, they truly won't.

now at present day, the eighth of december has fallen. the season of trench coats, white snow, christmas songs and hot chocolates has begun. sana liked the season of christmas for a reason that the night lasts longer than the day.

she walks with a pack of cigarette in her pocket, her fingers holding on to a stick, her tie a bit loose and her bag swinging on her shoulder.

she inhales nicotine, waiting for it to get contact against her lungs then she exhales, closing her eyes and throwing the stick somewhere in the bushes as she walks further to the school's entrance where she gets greeted by dozens of students chattering.

no one pays attention to her as she walks the hallways, coughing lightly. she walks to her first class, literature, and takes a seat in the empty classroom waiting for the bell to ring, signifying the start of class.

sana only had five days left till their winter break and though it is difficult, she had to suffer till that moment comes.

as the teacher enters, an unfamiliar student in a beige trench coat with long straight jet black hair appears behind her. a few gasps and tons of whispers cloud the room but there was sana staring intently at the new girl.

the girl clutches her bag, bows and gulps. she glances at the teacher, the teacher gives her a small smile and nods and she faces the class once more.

"hello," she starts, her voice silky and timid, sana continuously taps her pen lightly against her desk with her eyes not separating from the new girl,"i'm chou tzuyu, i come from daegu. i hope to know all of you better."

five days till their winter break and a new student comes. seems like a bad decision, sana thinks as she stares at the girl more.

tzuyu then searches for an empty seat, her gaze meets sana's and she walks torwards sana. sana glances to her side, wincing quietly as she realized the empty seat beside her. tzuyu lays her bag, sana slumps to her seat, and the lessons start.

tzuyu wasn't pushy nor did she ask any question to sana. for fifty straight minutes, not a single word was exchanged between the both of them. though on the other hand, christopher bang kept smiling and looking behind him trying to initiate a new conversation with chou tzuyu every minute and the gesture sure did piss sana a bit.

the moment the bell rang, without any hesitation, sana stands up and immediately exits the classroom leaving the rest to bid their teacher goodbye in which she knows she'll receive detention for.

and so she did.

it was lunch time, four hours till detention and she finds herself in a small, hidden corner in the library wherein she can secretly inhale nicotine again after one session of two consumed sticks in the girl's bathroom.

the bell rang, she decided to skip math class and instead she grabs her notebook and pen to scribble on the pages as her cigarette stays calmly laid on her lips.

this was how simple sana lived daily. she cared nevertheless of whoever, whatever was up in front of her. she's selfish, a slack off but a dreamer.

•

"two hours of detention, minatozaki," the teacher glares at her and gives her a piece of paper but the girl rolls her eyes in response as she grabs the small paper,"skipping classes and being rude towards the teachers should not be tolerated in this school."

sana sighs in response, scratching the back of her head adding another eyeroll towards the teacher who glares at her.

"don't make me add another hour," sana then fakes a smile, tilts her head and crosses her arms sarcastically,"you're on your final year, sana, change your attitude and show me you've matured."

'i don't need to prove anything to you anyways', sana whispers to herself and exits the faculty room walking towards the detention room.

well, this time, the detention room wasn't empty. kim yugyeom was there, scribbling drawings on his table as he slumps into his seat. kang seulgi was chewing gum, intertwining a strand of hair on her finger, glancing at sana with an eyeroll. sana decides to sit beside seulgi and sighs in exasperation.

well, two hours never felt so horrid before.

•

mr. park, the teacher in charge of them, dozed of thirty minutes after sana came. kim yugyeom was still scribbling, seulgi already threw her gum and now was just simply slumped against her chair with cross arms. sana was craving for nicotine but couldn't escape the room earlier.

"you're so.." seulgi started, eyes staring into sana who doesn't pay attention to her,"odd, minatozaki. you disappear, appear and still wear the same expression on your face for the past three years of our existance in high school."

"it's because i don't want to draw attention," sana scoffs,"i'm not like you who fakes a smile, a laugh and a cry just to get attention."

seulgi snaps and her jaw drops and her fingers intertwine strands of her hair once more,"excuse me?"

"i'm just stating facts, kang," sana mutters, tapping her pen against the wooden table and sighs not daring to look at seulgi's sharp glare.

"look, if you're so insecure with me, that's no longer my problem. it's yours," kang seulgi snaps, every single word sharp and dark,"it's not my fault you're an outcast with dead parents."

sana wears no expression, the demand of nicotine in her lungs is screaming and yet she lays her head back against the chair and lolls it to the side to meet seulgi's buring gaze which makes her chuckle.

"me? insecure? to you?" sana laughs darkly and sits straight,"look, that'll be the worst and last that thing i would do. why would i be insecure to an attention seeker who eventually fucks half of the campus every week? i've got no time for you."

the moment seulgi opens her mouth, an alarm goes off, startling mr. park from his sleep and dismisses seulgi from detention. seulgi grabs her bag, and exits without any word.

kim yugyeom sits back relaxed on his chair, with a small smirk curled on his lips.

mr. park dozes off once more and silence bites between them.

"very brave of you to answer back to the campus' muse," yugyeom whispers, grabbing a piece of paper this time and scribbles more drawings.

"no one's to be feared of in my eyes, we're all just the same here," sana replies, not bothering to look at him,"just treated differently by people's biased perspectives."

•

yugyeom leaves fifteen minutes after seulgi. it's five thirty in the afternoon and it's been three hours since sana's last smoking session and it's killing her.

thirty minutes left and she can break free from detention's disdain.

sana sits back, pulls out her notebook and draws mr. park sleeping with his mouth wide open.

•

the alarm goes off, startling mr. park again and dismisses sana at last. sana exits the room, her ass aching a bit and notices the clouds darkening as the clock strikes six in the evening.

she stands at the entrance alone, lighting up a cigarette and sighs as she feels it touch her throat.

"excuse me?"

"fuck!" sana jumps and madly glares at the girl,"the fuck do you want?"

it was the new girl from school, shivering due to cold and guilty for startling sana,"i'm sorry but i really don't know how to go home and i just got dismissed from my orientation, can i go with you?"

sana didn't want to respond but there was something about the girl that made her do so,"do you live in the dormitory?"

tzuyu nods and tightly hugs herself as the wind blows towards them.

"follow me then."

•

tzuyu thanked sana, as she was dropped at room one hundred seventeen. sana wore the same blank expression and proceeded to her room, two hundred seven, which was odd for her to help out especially for a room so distant to hers.

an aquiantance, she reminded herself but there was a difference to this aquiantance something odd and terrifying to her and she doesn't know exactly what it is.

•

sana came back to her room, her whole body aching for some kind of reason. she drops to her bed and the girl's face flashes in front of her.

sana admits that the girl was indeed pretty. nose perfectly structured, cheeks crimson red which matches her jet black hair. sana hates to admit that the girl was pretty but she couldn't help but admire it.

sana smokes with the thought of her.

•

three days left till their winter break and it's making sana impatient. she wanted to be free from the excruciating hold of lessons that she never really gave a fuck about.

she dozed off in several classes, fortunately, not getting caught. she draws an image quite vulgar, once again, not getting caught and every single red handed moment was luckily not caught but every moment was seen by chou tzuyu.

tzuyu looked at sana as if she's the most complex and unreadable person she has ever seen and that made her want to know minatozaki sana more.

though warned with minatozaki's reputation, tzuyu risks it and passes a piece of paper to sana.

•

'thanks for last night'

sana's eyes widened, glancing to her side and tzuyu ignores her gaze and pretends to write notes on her notebook. sana sighs, moves the paper to the edge of her table and proceeds to drawing a hand.

tzuyu notices her note being ignored and rips another page of her notebook, passing the paper to sana's table once more.

'your drawings are really great'

sana grits her teeth and tightens her jaw, she shoots another glare at chou tzuyu who ignores her again. she folds the paper and places it on the edge of her table again.

the whole thing repeats with different compliments, paper gets fold once again and sana glares once more.

but it's odd for sana not to release her temper at the latter (like how she usually does), she simply just folds the girl's notes and after class, tucks it all in her bag once tzuyu gets distracted and descends.

•

sana's up on the rooftop, smoking her sixth cigarette with tzuyu's notes scattered on the ground neatly.

she feels different with tzuyu and she thinks that's dangerous.

•

one day to go till their winter break and sana's feeling oddly excited about it.

the whole campus has been gushing about im nayeon's annual christmas party and everyone's invited, including sana of course but she declines the offer but nayeon still insists.

"you better go," nayeon pleads with a pout and eyelashes batting, in which sana cringes at,"drinks are from soft to hard and there's food too!"

sana sighs, squinting her eyes and crossing her arms as she looks at nayeon pathetically pleading her to go,"nayeon, i don't feel good with a lot of people coming."

"sana," nayeon whispers with a wink as it follows,"there's a smoking area for you."

sana chuckles and shakes her head lightly,"i'll try but don't expect me to come."

nayeon claps her hands and taps sana's shoulder as she sinks into the crowd inviting more people.

"are you coming?"

it's tzuyu behind sana, with books against her chest and her beige trench coat draped around her shoulders once again. sana's stomach twists at the sound of her voice and dares not to look back.

"i don't know." sana replies with a cold tone but her hands trembling inside of her pockets still not facing the innocent girl behind her.

"i hope to see you there though, sana." tzuyu descends after.

sana changes her mind, she wants to see tzuyu tonight.

•

it's not the first time for sana to feel this way to someone. she once felt the same way with the head of the cheer leading squad, park jihyo and once they got laid one night, her feelings faded in a snap.

sana knows what she feels is nothing permanent but a piece of infatuation that will fade in seconds.

she denies tzuyu's different, she denies a lot.

she doesn't want to dive in deeper, she doesn't want tzuyu to sink in her dangerous ocean too.

•

the party was wilder than she thought. several people making out, hands wandering inside of each other's shirts and..skirts, it was a different but familiar environment for sana and she doesn't deny that it seems fun.

especially when chou tzuyu shows up with several friends such as chaeyoung, a drummer from a famous band, and dahyun, a photographer from the school's paper.

she looked great with a black tank top and blue ripped high waist jeans and her usual trench coat over her.

sana admires her from afar with a bottle of strong liquor in her right hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other.

amongst the crowded dance floor, the huge distance and the complex lighting, sana meets tzuyu's gaze and the her stomach tightens and she mutters a curse to herself.

she was feeling a bit lightheaded as her fourth bottle has been fully consumed. she sees tzuyu's figure come towards her and her eyes fluttering and a smirk forming.

"someone's bit tipsy?" tzuyu yells through the loud music

sana pulls tzuyu close, faces inches away and she laughs gripping the pack of cigarettes tighter.

"mind if you join me?"

"i don't smoke,"

"you don't have to,"

and there, hand in hand they escape the crowded place.

•

"you smoke a lot," tzuyu comments as she leans on the balcony railings, adoring the view of stars above her

sana inhales and leans on the railings and sighs,"it helps me breathe easily, it helps me forget shit too,"

tzuyu chuckles,"alright, not judging, everyone has their own way to feel relieved but just lessen it a bit for the sake of your health."

sana's bewildered, usually people would scold her for her fucked up routine and it'll be the only thing that revolves their conversation.

that's the reason why sana treats everyone as her aquiantances.

"you're.." sana exhales letting the nicotine cloud them,"a little different from the people i used to talk to,"

"used to talk to?"

"yeah," sana replies, inhaling once more,"i don't let friendships last with me, i think you've noticed no one has ever eaten lunch with me."

tzuyu was a bit disappointed but determined to change that perspective. it has always been her odd goal, called out as a death wish by so many friends of her but she doesn't care, she seems to be willing to risk a lot for it.

sana was different for her too.

"so," tzuyu starts,"this friendship we got, it won't last long?"

"i said," sana exhales,"you're different."

tzuyu smiles, but sana wears the same blank expression with a little glint in her eyes and a little tipsy look.

•

sana wanted to end the infatuation and things started to escalate quickly. now, she swipes her tongue against the latter's bottom lip and pushes her against the cubicle's wall a little harder.

it was the only solution, tried and tested to so many girls in sana's complex mind and it works.

their lips part, heavy breathing and the alcohol inside of their bloodline rushing the adrenaline.

sana goes back to making out with tzuyu, the sweet taste of alcohol clashing in between their tongues and there sana's hands start to wander underneath the girl's tank top.

sana yanks tzuyu's trench coat off and tosses it on top of the toilet's lid joining her own. tzuyu unbottons her shirt, the cold faded between their heated session.

the moment goes on, sana yanks tzuyu's jeans and underwear locking lips with the latter's petals with a velvet sound of heaven.

sana feels free, tzuyu feels ecstacy.

•

morning bites back. sana's neck aches and so does her head. she groans, lolls her head to the side and sees a naked girl by her side.

the girl's eyes were still closed, lips slightly parted, hair draped on her shoulder and sana thinks she looks like an angel.

bewildered once again; sex, for the first time, doesn't change tzuyu's difference towards sana.

now, sana feels in danger.

•

tzuyu wakes up on an empty bed, the sun rays touching her skin. she stretches her arms and covers her torso with the white sheets over her, she sees a note beside her.

'you better go'

•

tzuyu sighs, as she leaves room two hundred seven without the sight of sana. she leaves a note and locks the door behind her.

'i do not regret anything especially if it's you'

sana has fallen into a pit she has always feared of.

love.

•

for the first time in eight years, sana has knocked on mina's door without any hesitation. in room two hundred six she's seated on the other empty bed, wherein hirai momo usually sleeps on but has now returned to japan for the holidays, and is now currently staring at a happy mina.

"you have finally approached me!" she happily says

"mina," she starts,"i think i'm in love."

"oh, that should be good then!"

"no,"

"why so?"

"mina, i'm dying."

mina drops her plushie and her head feels tight.

•

the moment sana's parents left, sana has always cared less for herself. the age of thirteen, she started smoking, the age of fifteen she drank, and eventually tried a few drugs like cocaine

 

sana cared less till she was sixteen and the dreams and goals of being an artist struck her, there she sort of found her reason to live.

but.

at seventeen, two days before her birthday, she was diagnosed with lung cancer at stage two.

sana used to feel nothing bad about death but with her dreams lasting and existing, she didn't want to leave.

she didn't want to leave a lot especially things that revovled her passion, her dreams, and of course the things she loved.

or rather the people she loved.

and that's exactly why she considered people as aquiantances too, exactly why she didn't want to dive into people's ocean more, exactly why she didn't want to know what love was nor discover what it had.

this is exactly why she was an outcast.

she has so much fear in her.

her days were counted and she never wanted to leave anyone just exactly how her parents left her.

pain was a bitch.

and so was falling into a pit of love.

•

"sana, please, it's not too late," mina insists and still they're seated at the same position two hours ago and mina's eyes were swollen red from crying.

sana has never felt so important before, maybe she missed the feeling of being important or maybe she cared less about it.

"mina, it'll be almost a year since they diagnosed me and still i never stopped smoking or started taking medications. it's too late, i'm too late."

"for fuck's sake why didn't you tell me?"

"it isn't big of a deal."

"are you fucking kidding me?!" mina started crying again, looking like a five year old with tantrums,"you should've told me earlier! before you fell in love with the new student! you should've, sana!"

sana sighed, devastated. she felt shitty and bad for herself too, but she already accepted the fact she was leaving so soon that her dreams already turned into dust.

they were meaningless but at least she still tried to pursue them.

"mina, just help me escape this horrid place before i keep falling deeper and deeper, i have to get out."

"sana, we're not doing that, i'm bringing you to the doctors and we're not letting this pass," mina cried out, angrily

"mina!" sana yelled out frustratedly,"send me back to osaka and everything will be better there."

"no! we're curing you, we're curing you."

sana had constructed a lie. she has it in her mind and now she's in a debate whether to say or not but for the sake of mina's devastating crying state, she decides to let it go.

"i'll go heal in osaka. i promise you, i'll stop smoking once i get to osaka. i'll be better there, mina."

"i have doubts."

"doubt on me but i think it's for the best."

mina stares at sana intently, eyes swollen, lips trembling.

her flight was secretly booked on may twenty eight.

•

winter break was over there was this piece of excitement that feld over tzuyu's fluttering heart. she wanted to see sana, it was all she could've thought of during the holidays and finally with sana entering the room, her face lits up.

so does sana's.

everyone's eyes widen at the sight of sana's small smile and her gaze doesn't break of tzuyu's.

sana changed and maybe it was because of her.

sana sat down beside tzuyu, both giggling at each other. there were several whispers but sana didn't mind because all she wanted to see was her angel with a wide smile to her cheeks.

yes, sana did change and it was because of tzuyu.

but it's all too late.

•

sana decides not to stop herself from falling into the pit of love. with the help of mina, she fully accepts it.

but of course it took time.

tons of realization, more talking over the phone with tzuyu, more getting to know each other.

and yes, indeed, tzuyu was different and she made her feel different.

more alive, rather.

she decides to give herself another shot, maybe she's worth to live again. there were lots of maybes and finally she decides to give herself another try.

two days after new year, she goes to the doctor for a check up, two days after the results were horrid.

stage three.

how the hell is she even breathing, she asks herself everynight and the insomnia hits her thinking of tzuyu.

tzuyu. tzuyu. tzuyu.

it has always been her that wanders through her mind and she admits to herself for the first time in eight years.

she not ready to die.

•

months pass by, tzuyu and sana finally become a thing. sana's finally free from being an outcast and has been socializing with a lot of people.

mina felt great seeing sana form into someone different, someone changed but she can't deny how piercing it is that it's all too late.

but still mina was hopeful, and tzuyu?

tzuyu was still clueless.

"hmm, something's up with your cousin," momo mutters beside mina as they observe sana from afar, laughing with a bunch of people, her arm draped across tzuyu's shoulder,"what did you feed her?"

"you better ask tzuyu," mina mutters

"oh," momo nods,"love."

"yeah, love."

love at its worst timing.

•

tzuyu and sana are in the fields, the stars were igniting very brightly tonight. both were lying down, tzuyu peppering sana with kisses from her forehead to lips to collarbones.

both giggling, both making out, it was some sort of foundation of love that has been ignited between them and sana loves it so much.

sana loves her angel so much.

"hey, tzuyu?" sana intertwines her fingers against tzuyu's black hair and the girl responds quietly,"what are you afraid of the most?"

"losing you, sana, losing you in every way."

her answer pierces sana.

sana has only one month till she goes back to osaka.

•

sana's back to counting down but it wasn't for a great cause. she didn't want to count down to the days she'll be leaving tzuyu. she can't even look tzuyu in the eye knowing that it's ending so soon.

she blames time. she blames so much but she blames herself the most.

she hated the fact she was leaving and there's nothing else to do, no other choice but to accept.

all her apologies secluded into one notebook all full of words and drawings. she doesn't want to go, but there's no other choice.

she only has ten days left till she returns to her hometown.

ten last days with tzuyu.

•

tzuyu notices something odd with sana but tries to ignore that fact. instead, she suggest millions of ideas and activities to do during their summer break and all that sana could do was to stare deeply into her angel's eyes and adore the bliss.

"we can go to this water park in daegu, it's huge and it has tons of slides like the ones you showed me," tzuyu happily suggest as she shows a picture of the park,"i'm sure you'll go crazy over these."

"oh! here's the best ice cream parlor in daegu, it has some weird flavors like jokbal or something, it's just weird! but i do think you'll like weird after all,"

sana responds with a smile, cups tzuyu's cheek and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. she's beautiful, she's so fucking beautiful.

"you love italian food, don't you? well, i've researched some here in seoul and got a five star restaurant which is a bit affordable, but i'll surely ask dad to sponsor us instead cause i'm sure we're both broke,"

sana laughs and nuzzles her face in tzuyu's neck and gives it a small peck. tzuyu's speaking slows down as sana kisses her neck once again lowering down to her collarbones and slowly unbuttons the latter's blouse.

in room two hundred seven, blossoms euphoria and ecstacy and shattered dreams.

•

two days left till the day she has always been afraid of comes.

two. fucking. days.

mina has already packed her stuff, signed off her sudden drop out and packed her room clean. the past few days, she sat and looked up to the stars in her empty room and all she could think of what tzuyu.

today, it was raining. sana loved the rain, there was a storm coming up and tzuyu's no where to be found in room one hundred seventeen.

she asked several people where she was, directed in different places. still, tzuyu couldn't be found. it worried sana, there was a pang of overthinking that struck her thinking that she wouldn't be able to see her for the last time.

it was raining hard but she was standing underneath the storm, face to face in the most unexpected place.

the fields.

where they usually stargaze, they usually eat pizza, where they usually kiss, where they usually cuddle, now it's wet and lonely but her angel makes the whole place radiate.

"i always wanted to dance with you under the rain," tzuyu whispers as she brings sana close to her,"happy monthsary, love."

tzuyu is her saving grace, time just messed everything up.

•

"are you sure about this?" mina was trembling, holding back the tears as she stood by sana's doorframe clutching her penguin plushie

"there's no turning back now," she replies sadly, her throat dry as she stares at the clock strike nine

"promise me you'll take good care of yourself in osaka," mina pouts and sighs

sana nods in reply, both stare at each other for bit and mina breaks into hugging sana with tears inevitably flowing. sana couldn't help but cry, she never cries but the heavy feeling inclined on her chest demands to be released and so, she bawls out in the arms of her cousin.

no longer her aquintance but family.

mina is her family.

she hands out her notebook, a beige leather cover with a strap to keep it secure,"for tzuyu."

mina meets her eyes and cries out more as she nods sadly and then sana hands out another. it was blue, and it had the myouis name across it,"for your family."

by this point, mina sits on the floor, crying harshly with the notebook against her chest. sana feels guilty.

she feels guilty for realizing how important she was now. just now.

•

mina has left fourteen minutes ago. now sana's left alone in a more empty room. once full of various emotions, now empty and blank.

sana has never been so religious in any matter. she never thought of it, she was rather considered agnostic but tonight changed.

she was looking at the stars in an open window, her hands were clasped and her throat went dry. tears ran down her cheeks and all she could mutter was for tzuyu to be well.

it was always tzuyu.

•

the day has come. seventeen hours left till she rides on a plane without tzuyu knowing. fifteen hours left with her angel till everything fades into black once again.

sana admits she's scared, for the first time she's scared.

tzuyu's head laid back on her collarbone, fingers intertwined. sana was definitely going to miss this, she loves tzuyu so much. she crafted her world around her but time, time is one bitch and there's no other choice but to accept.

"tzuyu?"

"hm?"

"i love you,"

"i love you too, sana."

fourteen hours left.

•

tzuyu was distracted in the library with chaeyoung. they were writing their final project till summer's close to their reach once again.

tzuyu feels the excitment bubbling up. she's spending her summer, first summer in seoul, with her.

her lover, sana.

in a rush, she bids goodbye to chaeyoung after finishing their research and excitedly proceeds to room two hundred seven.

she opens it widely, with a lit up face and a smile so big but gets greeted by an empty room.

no bedsheets, curtains, no lamp, no more decorations she used to put up with sana.

no sana.

she panicked, rushing to room two hundred six, knocking harshly on mina's door and momo opening it, her mouth agape.

"airport, now."

•

suddenly, sana's favorite weather drops. tzuyu's stuck in a traffic jam and the rain pours harder, she doesn't know what to say and what to do.

she feels betrayed yet empty.

without any hesitation, she jumps out of the cab and runs. not caring how hard the rain poured, how soaked she was, all she did was run.

the airport, gladly, was closer to where they got stuck and now with eyes full of tears and a heavy heart in soaked clothes.

mina meets tzuyu, eyes swollen.

"i'm sorry, tzuyu." mina mutters, handing a beige notebook to her.

flight two hundred seven to osaka is now boarding.

it's too late.

•

sana tried and tried and tried. she tried to live, she quit nicotine, she quit every single negative routine in her daily life to be saved.

she took medication, she took several theraphies, she took it all just to survive.

but she didn't make it.

it was too late.

now, everyone's around the cemetery in black clothes and empty hearts. throwing roses on a casket lowered down on the ground.

tzuyu tucks the notebook close to her chest, feeling emptier as the casket lowers every second.

tzuyu feels empty, she blames time, nothing else.

•

the notebook had a lot of doodles, starting from december eight, the first time she stepped foot in their academy, to july twenty seven, the day before sana left. there were letters, drawings of her, tons of pictures of them.

and an apology.

tzuyu, did not nor dared, to read that part. she feared it. she didn't want to let her go. for seven months, she still believed sana was still breathing, probably smoking a pack or drinking wine as she looks out on her window in room two hundred seven. she keeps convincing herself sana was still there.

and that's why she couldn't open the letter.

it's january fifteen, their anniversary and tzuyu decides to unfold the letter and exhales.

'it's smoker, hello.

i'll keep it short and simple because you know i that i do hate long letters (except yours, of course). i'm sorry. tzuyu, i love you.

i'm sorry i can never grant our dreams together.

i'm sorry i can never go to that water park with you.

i'm sorry i can never eat italian food with you (sponsored by your dad).

i'm sorry i can never eat weird tasting ice cream with you.

i'm sorry i can't stargaze with you anymore.

i'm sorry for leaving.

i'm so sorry.

i've blamed myself a hundred times, blamed my stupidity, blamed my selfishness, blamed time, blamed so many.

i never wanted to leave you.

in fact, before you, all i wanted was to die, before you i didn't even want to breathe anymore if it weren't for a simple stupid dream of becoming an artist.

i was falling into a downfall but instead, when you came, i fell into an ocean. a beautiful, deep, blue ocean that was you.

and i knew i had to live, i had to.

i had to for us.

believe me, tzuyu. i did everything that i could to see what the future has for us but i guess fate was a little mean to me, isn't it?

fate, you bitch.

i'm sorry, again.

but i love you.

forever and i will never stop.

i will never stop my angel. never.

\- smoker'

sana, above the million stars and the skies of blue, will forever be chou tzuyu's angel too.

forever.

 

[end.]

**Author's Note:**

> for jo, lims, tin, joaq, andre and heidi. here's to 2018 and for sticking around with me through thick and thin.


End file.
